Pensando en tonos grisáceos.

Otro familiar más ha pasado a mejor vida, y no puedo evitar pensar en mi propia mortalidad. Desde niña le tengo terror a la muerte, y no de manera esencial ya que obviamente es inevitable, pero siendo una persona impaciente y que detesta las sorpresas, me mortifica de sobremanera no saber el final que me depara. No es lo mismo pensar en cosas impredecibles como “¿Haré algún día ese viaje a Japón que tanto anhelo?” o “¿Conoceré en un futuro al amor de mi vida (si es que siquiera existe)?” o “¿Pagaré caro todos los corajes que hizo mi mamá conmigo por medio de mis dos chamacos?” a clavarme en cavilaciones turbias tales como: “¿Me voy a morir sola?” o “¿Moriré lenta o violentamente?” o “¿Y si me muero y nadie se da cuenta durante días?”. Juro que cuando me afano en este tipo de pensamientos me sobreviene una ansiedad terrible y luego me doy golpes mentales por no ser una persona sensata.

Lo más triste de todo es que conforme he ido avanzando en edad y en madurez (espero), más sardónica me he convertido en cuánto a todo lo referente a religión y ‘la vida después de la vida’. Entonces me digo: “Pues estás amolada, no hay esperanza de consuelo o sosiego para tí. Y luego no has hecho nada de tu vida, así que lejos de tu progenie, de tí no quedará absolutamente nada en esta Tierra.” Por lo menos los creyentes tienen la certeza de que lo que no consigan aquí, lo lograrán por medio de la reencarnación, o que si llevan una vida ejemplar se les compensará con creces en la vida eterna o a donde sea que su religión les decrete que van a parar.

El concepto de la muerte es sumamente maleable. Tanto se puede expresar de modo violento y morboso, como también se puede poetizar y embellecer. El Séptimo Sello de Ingmar Bergman es solamente una muestra de ello.

Ingmar_Bergman-The_Seventh_Seal-01

Recuerdo un libro que leí hace tiempo, La Ladrona de Libros, en el que la Muerte es quien se encarga de narrar la historia. En un momento manifiesta su cansancio por la labor interminable que debe realizar, pero también hay un párrafo muy emotivo en el que cuando tiene que recoger a un personaje bondadoso, la Muerte expresa que, próxima a llevárselo mientras duerme, el hombre se incorpora y la enfrenta con ojos grises.

En mi experiencia personal, la muerte no es tan generosa, ni mucho menos digna, sobre todo si concluye a una terrible enfermedad. Tal vez de ahí provienen mis temores. Las personas viven o sobreviven lo mejor que pueden, y algunas terminan su recorrido de maneras espantosas. No me vendría nada mal explorar mi lado espiritual, probablemente ahí encontraré el remedio a mis dolencias existenciales…

My Own Little Private LA

I just had a long overdue dinner date with one of my best friends to catch up on many adventures and misadventures, when we stumbled upon the subject of life-altering events. A mutual acquaintance of ours had gone through a very traumatic experience from which she emerged with a strong sense of self and reinvention. I shared with my friend about how much I could relate to what our acquaintance was doing – a few years back, I also went through a very painful experience,  from which the only thing I could do to assimilate the grief was to make changes that I had been postponing for far too long – and how I felt that at present I was living what I felt was a more authentic life.

After dinner I got home and was overcome with a wave of nostalgia, so I decided to listen to some pop songs I remembered from my childhood. One of them was To Live and Die in LA, by Wang Chung. After the aforementioned conversation, the lyrics had a whole new meaning for me. Coincidence?

 

 

 

Eno on Trump.

“There was a Guardian interview with me earlier this week which had as its headline “We’ve been in decline for 40 years – Trump is a chance to rethink”. I didn’t use those words in that way (as reading the article would make clear), and they’ve been taken (particularly by some American websites) to suggest that I support Trump. Anybody familiar with my views will know that this is not true.

So: may I make something absolutely clear: I think Donald Trump is a complete disaster. And Brexit is a disaster too. That said, what I think is an even greater disaster is that we in the US and the UK – and increasingly the rest of the world – live inside political systems that can produce absurd results like these.

We now see political careers built upon lies and deceit and encouraged by openly biased media organisations, more concerned about revenue and ratings than giving the public real information. It’s this whole system that has to change: not just who leads the government but something deeper and more fundamental in our political and social processes. Democracy assumes an informed public: it doesn’t work if the media are corrupt. Changing the faces at the top doesn’t alter anything if the whole machinery beneath them stays the same – the rich become the super-rich, the middle class stagnates and the poor get poorer.

My hope – the only hope really – is that Trump in office will reveal himself for what he really is, and that the public will roundly and unequivocally reject him and everything he stands for – his terrible policies, his jingoism, his arrogance, his childishness, his lies, his prejudices and his small-mindedness. In rejecting Trump we’ll also start to take down the whole malignant media-political structure that so lovingly nurtured him.

As I’ve written before, I believe that Trump can turn out to be not the beginning of a long decline, but the end of one – the turning point. For 40 years we’ve been sliding into a deepening pit of inequality, fear-driven nationalism and conservatism, and mostly not noticing. Trump’s presidency could inadvertently change that – not because he’s going to do anything right but because his election is energising people to come to grips with the fact that their political system is fundamentally broken and it’s time to do something about it. The demonstrations that happened last weekend are a reflection of this new mood.

It would have been better if we hadn’t got to this point, but that’s where we are. My feeling is that a Clinton presidency (or even a ‘remain’ vote in Britain), though more comfortable in the short term, wouldn’t have dealt with the fundamental problems that beset both our political systems. Trump has proven beyond doubt that the system is broken, so let’s fix it.”

– Brian